Blank Chick Chronicles!!! Volume 9

So you want to hang with a motorcycle guy, huh? I have known a few of my friends to deal with a guy in a motorcycle club and I can say that none of them have had a successful relationship or marriage with a man in this lifestyle. Now, I am not saying that it is not possible to do so and it requires a lot of sacrifice on the women’s part because most men I know that are in clubs and have a motorcycle show a level of devotion and loyalty to their club that they should be sharing with their wives and families. I also know the motorcycle world is a world within a world – they have their own rules and guidelines that are followed and any violations can have some very interesting consequences. There is a lot of corruption and drama in that lifestyle and if you are a woman and not a part of one of the women’s social clubs or in a motorcycle set you are going to have your own set of problems because you are a civilian – an outsider.

I have a few girlfriends who have decided to embark on being a part of the motorcycle scene none of which are a part of a motorcycle click or a social club. Each is dating someone that is in a crew. One of the most important things to remember is most of the men in these crews are married and/or dating several women at the same time and believe me if you start messing around with one of them either their friends who frequent club events will pass the message on about your presence or you will be confronted by one, two or three of the females at some function – trust me I’ve seen this happen on more than one occasion.

The men in motorcycle clubs are always looking for the new chick, especially, outsiders because they are oblivious to the rules of this “underworld” of bike riding; however, this also possess a problem for the woman involved because you really don’t know what or who is coming for you because of the man you may have chosen to deal with.

An associate decided to date a guy from a well-known crew in Los Angeles (the click will remain anonymous and it doesn’t really matter because it happens within the motorcycle culture no matter where they are located). The more and more they saw each other, she began to become a fixture in the scene. Of course, all his friends knew who she was and most of the women did too! However, she did not know he was dating 4 or 5 other women at the same time. She was just as content being seen with him and rode on the back of his bike like it was the thing to do. When he went on runs (these are events they go on to meet and greet locally or out of state) she went with him. She would see him on the phone and, in some cases, with women but blew it off and never really took the time to investigate the reasons behind the conversation – he would always say that it was a sister member calling for advice on how to take care of some club business, etc. blah, blah, blah….UMMMM NO!

This man was dealing with her and the others all at the same time and because none of them really questioned his behavior he would have conversations with anyone one of them in front of the woman he was with – he was doing him and each of them believed she was “the only one” she was his “lady” his “girlfriend” but each of them had some significant reason for being in his life – she just fit a piece of his twisted puzzle until she realized or was confronted with the truth about all his activities and walked away from the “relationship” but to him it didn’t matter because there was always another chick that would follow in her place and pick up where the other one left off. Anyway, my associate was confronted with the truth about “her man” when she was at a party one night and was confronted by two different women within the same night. Each approached her, in different manners, and basically asked who she was and how did she know “her man.” When she explained to each the very basic information request, she felt she had nothing to hide this was her boyfriend, she got two very different reactions. One went off on her stating she had been with the guy for years and wanted to fight her. Some of the guys broke up the situation knowing my associate was not really familiar with this world but not before watching most of the scene go down and almost come to blows. The other played everything real cool and walked away with a smirk on her face, she had no intention of doing anything to my associate but his motorcycle took a real beating and was kicked over. Now this caused a chain of reactions because men with motorcycles care for them like they are their wives or children and most, if not all, are overly sensitive about anything that happens with their bike. As she watched, the bike being demolished in complete shock and awe she still did not back away from the guy and continued in the relationship.

Well, just a few months after this situation happened her man was in an accident and was placed into the hospital. She was devastated and immediately went to support her boyfriend and to find out his medical condition but as fate would have it she was again confronted with the truth about her man – a young woman introduced herself as his girlfriend and thanked her for coming to show her support and concern before she could even state who she was and why she was there. I guess at this point, my associate got the message and just looked at “her man” shook her head, turned and walked out of the hospital room.

Once he was released, he called and text and would come by her house professing his undying love for her. He would tell her the other women didn’t mean anything to him and they were women who didn’t want to let go of their relationship but he had moved on with her. She didn’t buy it but she didn’t stop seeing him either. She is actually still dealing with this character and still being confronted with the truth about the person he is versus the man he claims to be. She is living in a blank chick world and nothing anyone says or does to make her completely aware of what she has reduced herself too and the type of crap that she is dealing with – she just won’t leave the man alone.

Blank Chicks:

You really don’t have to be blank all your lives, you can move on and get past a blank lifestyle. She just keeps allowing this man to do her dirty not realizing that each time she accepts him back into her life; he loses more and more respect for her. He sees her as a fool with no requirements and easy to manipulate and control. He has found the perfect victim for his personal plan. When she attempt to leave, he knows exactly what sweet nothings or actions to display to keep her in this blank chick world she has allowed him to create and write the full script for. I just want other blank chicks to read this and understand you don’t have to lay down for madness but stand up for your principles and demand to be respected and treated well. The first way to do that is to believe that you are worthy of being loved by one man who is without question devoted to you. You have to love yourself first and treat yourself right before anyone else will do so!

Just a Little Q&A

Okay, I know I stated I would give you a week of background on me and I would allow you to ask me questions and respond to them directly on the blog. However, my youngest decided to sit on my laptop and cracked the screen so I was down a few days until it was repaired and I was a bit off track; however, I am back in full swing and I am ready to give you what I promised.

I received the following question from someone via email:

Ms. Nix:

Have you ever had someone to cheat on you and if so how did you handle the situation?

Well, yes I have and I can say I did not handle it very well at all. I met this guy and we hit it off real well. I love a man that can make me laugh and who is protective of my feelings – what I had to learn is to ask or find out why my feelings are being protected; the reasons for this type of behavior may not always be a positive one. We would go out to dinner and the movies. He would cook for me, I would cook for him and we would do a lot of things to learn different cultures or to spend time getting to know one another. He was not the most attractive man but he his character and mannerisms made me attracted to him. We dated for a few months and, at least for me, we were starting what I thought to be a very nice relationship but that changed very quickly when I started noticing his patterns changing. I stated before I am a “people watcher” and I pick up on a person’s patterns in speech and behaviors rather quickly. At first, I didn’t question things (blank bitch move) because I wanted to make sure there was no other incident causing the shift; I wanted to be sure it wasn’t just me attempting to self-sabotage things because (at the time) I had huge trust issues. But it wasn’t me; there was a definite change in his conduct. The phone calls were a little less and the time we were spending together became a bit more infrequent. He was still attentive but something was just not right about this sudden adjustment to our visits and phone calls. So, I sat back and watched him when we would meet. I noticed he had to take a call or two away from me using low-tones and he started hanging out with his friends a bit more than normal – don’t get me wrong, I want to hang with my family and friends and encourage my mate to do the same; but the going out became more frequent and that is when my antennae’s went up. So (being the detective that I am) I began to question very minor things; I wanted to see if his attitude had changed. When we first started dating he had no problem telling me anything but when I asked a few questions about how he enjoyed his night, he became very antsy and evasive. I knew something was up so I played it cool – everything done in the dark always, ALWAYS comes to light and it didn’t take long.

I was approached at an acquaintance’s birthday party by a woman who knew a little bit more about than I shared with those who were not in my immediate circle. I was very curious in knowing how she knew so much about me since I had never in my life seen her before. She began to tell me things about my career, details about some of my recent escapades with my trues (these are my best friends and the only one’s deserving of the title true for two reasons: they tell me the truth even if I don’t want to hear it or acknowledge my poor judgment or behaviors and they have been in my life so long that are bond is so great nothing has ever shaken it. I know that they truly love me and value our relationship – these are my ride or die friends – PERIOD). Before she could get too much more information out, I asked her how did she know me? She smirked and told me she was _____girlfriend and he had told her all about me. She was his girlfriend and she found out my name from him after some pressure but she did some research among her friends and we ended up having a mutual associate. Now (as most women do when we want information) she played the role to gain all the Intel she could about me and this “associate” knew quite a bit since we had known each other for so long and were still cool with one another. Although I was aggravated to no end, I never lost my cool. My problem was not with her but with “her man” and her problem was not with me. In most situations like this, the women end up fighting or having a battle over a guy that has lied to them both. Instead of confronting him and dealing with the person really at fault, most women want to blame the other woman involved for the betrayal of her relationship – NOT!!! I know there are some situations where a woman may in fact know a man has a wife, girlfriend or someone he is dating and the woman is determined to have this man in her life despite hurting another woman in the process but these cases are handled much differently. I knew that she was hurt because of confrontation confirmed her suspicion. I was mad because I was lied to and put in a situation where another woman felt the need to address me about having a relationship with her man.

I didn’t get upset or become agitated with her, I was very calm and pleasant and I offered to speak with her so we could talk about this situation we were in. I allowed her time to speak her mind and learned she too had noticed his pattern of behavior – he was initially with her constantly, then very little to a few days here and there. When we compared notes, there was still some time frames unaccounted for which meant there was another party involved. I expressed my feelings and assured her I was not a threat to her “relationship” now that I had been made aware but I did want to see him one last time and I asked if she would not mind joining us. She agreed and I set up a date with “her man” for the following evening – I don’t believe in wasting time getting rid of garbage in my life! I requested her presence a bit earlier than his so she could sit in my room and listen to our entire conversation. I am sure there were questions she still needed answers too and her being in the room with us, initially, would only present an environment where lies would fall out of his mouth like water coming from a glass with a hole in it. YEAP I SET HIS ASS UP FOR THE TAKE DOWN!!! Since he had no clue she was in my room or even knew I was aware of his girlfriend for the last 3 years, he was happy to see me. He greeted me with a kiss and a hug and began telling me all about his day and where he wanted to go for dinner. We had been planning a mini-vacation of the coast and he delivered me the itinerary for our trip. All the while, I’m just saying, “Yes babe,” or “We are going to have a nice time,” or “That’s great darling,” and he was none the wiser. I also talked to him about some of his personal business, some of the dates we went out and times – I knew she wanted to know how long this had been going on and I was going to answer every possible question that I could for her accept the main one, why?

I guess she had heard enough because she was standing in the doorway of my living room with tears flowing. His back was turned so she didn’t see her right away but she smiled and mouthed, “Thank You,” and I nodded my head in agreement. I told him that I had a surprise for him but I needed him to go into my bedroom to get it off the nightstand. He turned around and damn near passed out. I didn’t say a word, I politely grabbed his keys, coat and all the stuff he bought with him for our trip and handed it to her. I gave her a hug, wished her well and showed them both to the door. I was saddened by the fact she was hurt, pissed that I got played for a fool but I felt like a champ to have exposed his raggedy ass. So yes, I’ve been cheated on and it hurt like hell but I didn’t let it break me or stop me. It changed me and made me more careful and more aware and more questionable to the person I may deal with but I never fell victim to the thinking of some women I know – believing this is the norm or something that I have to accept to have a relationship and I will never think that way nor will I knowingly engage with a man that is already in the mix.

Blank Chick Chronicles!!! Volume 8

Blank Bitch or Blank Chick?

I was approached by a few people who took offense to the title, “Blank Bitch Chronicles,” – while normally I wouldn’t care about anyone saying anything about what I write; however, the person(s) I spoke with made a very good argument and I value their opinion so I wanted to bring it to the blog since it was really worth considering.

The Blank Bitch Chronicles is an anonymous forum to shed light on the immature and skewed behavior of women and men promoting a continuous negative cycle of responses toward other men and women in relationships and friendships as well as really questionable conduct when engaging with the opposite sex at the beginning, middle and end of an intimate situation (yes friendships can be considered intimate). These dubious responses prevent healthy relationships to ensue. The stories and comments are posted to promote thought provoking conversation and self-reflection in those reading the blog in an effort to get women and men to notice their own behaviors, the behaviors of those around them and to eradicate the negative thinking and reactions to issues that may arise and learn how to correct destructive thoughts, ideas, lack of moral aptitude – demonstrating the need for respect and consideration of others.  It (the blog) was also created to prevent young women from making some very huge mistakes while on their way towards complete womanhood – by learning how to control their emotions and use logic and reason – women should no longer accept or want to be considered a victim of circumstance but demand respect, exhibit morals and values conducive to creating life-long bonds with friends and healthy, loving relationship with the MAN of her dreams. For the men, the blog is to make them aware of the damage created in women by their actions and to remind them to be more careful when handling matters of the heart – remember, you have a mother, sister or a daughter how would you feel if she became a “blank bitch!”; being treated badly by others, especially, men because she watched you treat them in a disrespectful manner and learned how and what to accept from a man in a relationship from you! Also men, you should know or at least get some insight into how we think – emotion first (in most cases). When you are dealing with emotions it becomes very difficult to make good decision(s). With this and a few other points being made, I decided to put a name change up for vote by the readers. I want your voice to determine if the new title, “Blank Chicks,” would be less detrimental in nature to the esteem of women. I was told if I am going to encourage women to start loving themselves and working on their own thinking; the title of the chronicles is a contradiction in terms. Actually, I believe you are who you are and if the title fits then wear it but I am fair and I wanted to hear what you think about the possibility of a name change.

If you do believe the name should be changed – tell me why? And if you don’t, I also want to know why and in either case support your statement. I’m very interested in hearing your thoughts and understanding you views…..

You can respond directly on the blog or you can send me a personal email to msnixinthemix@gmail.com and I will post your response (anonymously) to the blog.