Blank Chick Chronicles!!! Volume 7

Public Service Announcement…

Okay I had to say something after this past weekend; it is going to be short and sweet. I am so tired of seeing women with $300 weaves, the latest purse or glasses-dressed to the nines and their kids look like they came out of the cabbage patch. Blank Chicks get your stuff together. You are a mother and with your choice to have children you gave up the right to think only about yourself. I swear you have lost your minds.

You walk around like you are the best and the baddest chick walking around; running behind some dude, hanging with your girls but your kids are at home looking raggedy and hungry missing their mother. It bothers me to the hilt when I see a woman going to get her hair done and her children have on clothes that even Goodwill would reject.

If your kids have not had a home cooked meal because you were out in the club – you’re a blank Chick.

If you baby is sitting in a diaper that looks like she’s been in a swimming pool for about a week – you’re a blank Chick.

If you son hasn’t had his hair cut in a month but you have a new pair of Gucci glasses (fake or not) – you’re a blank Chick.

If you have on new kicks (shoes) and your child has to use tape and staples to keep the soles of her shoes together – you’re a blank Chick.

If your son is asking his grandmother or grandfather when is mom coming home and they can’t respond because they don’t know where you are – you’re a blank Chick.

Could you stop being a blank Chick- get out of the club, stop chasing behind some guy and take care of your kids. Stop letting your babies go out in public with running noses and holes in their clothes looking busted while you’re driving around trying to look like a million bucks – NOT!!!

Your children didn’t ask to be bought here but you had them so be responsible and take care of them. Sacrifice your happiness for that of your children go without and give to your kids – they should not be punished because you are making poor choices in life. Get a clue Blank Chick and wake the hell up and take that ingredient and put it in your Mix and keep following Ms. Nix, until the next chronicle……

A Change Is Gonna Come….

Sometimes women give too much of themselves to a relationship or a friendship. We have been bought up to believe to show true loyalty and devotion to our mates and our friends; we should alter bits of who we are to make the other people in our lives happy but what happens when there is nothing left to change? When you cannot make any more modifications to who you are? You have nothing left to give and you end up finding out that the person you were in the beginning has long since left and you end up being a shell – you wake up and look in the mirror and discover YOU don’t even know who you are anymore. You made all these changes to show one that you cared, you loved them wholly and unconditionally, yet you were loving with conditions not on the other person(s) but with terms you put on yourself.

I received an email from “Mandy” and she spoke of the following:

Hello Ms. Nix:

I hope this finds you in a positive space. I received your blog by email and I have really enjoyed reading your posts. I have a situation of my own and I wanted to get your opinion on the matter.

I have been dating my boyfriend for about 5 years now and we have had our share of ups and downs (I know all relationships do) but I am at a point where I feel stagnant. I’ve devoted a lot of time and energy into our relationship; I’ve made a lot of changes in my personal and professional life to accommodate my boyfriend. When we first started dating we lived a few hours apart from one another. The closer we got, I would stay with him at his house and commute to work near my own home about 3 or 4 times a week – this became inconvenient and eventually I left my job for 10 years to relocate with my boyfriend. The living arrangements seemed fine at first, but it took me some time to find another job that offered me the same salary I was making prior to the move. Eventually, the lack of funds in the household started to create tensions and resentment but I did find a position that quickly eliminated this issue. As time moved on, my boyfriend asked me to make some changes to my wardrobe. He did not like the low cut blouses or the pencil skirts I would were to the office – he said that it was to inviting and I should not create a situation where other men would think I was available. I did not see the problem with making some minor clothing changes. But the requests became more frequent and I started noticing a change in his behaviors with each new modification. He wanted me to cut my hair short; I’ve had medium length hair most of my life and I have never had the desire to cut my hair but as a gesture of my love for him I cut it. The new style required me to be at the hairdresser once a week for a few hours but I didn’t mind the inconvenience, my man loved the new look. Then came another request, another change and another….I just stopped recognizing who I was anymore. I sat back and examined my life and I stopped hanging out with my friends, rarely communicated with my family; I was engulfed with him, my life was all about him. My boyfriend was happy with our relationship, I am completely miserable. I decided to let my hair grow out and got it braided he lost his mind. He was very upset that I was changing my look, the look he loved so much. I was baffled and confused, what should I do? I want my man to be happy but I want to be happy too and I don’t know what to do to regain myself.

Dear “Mandy”

I hate to hear that you are unhappy. It is no fun being in a relationship and feeling alone and miserable. Mandy, you should never have to change who you are for anyone. When a person really loves you, you are accepted for who you are and what you are about from the beginning. Yes, you will make some changes and compromises as you grow as a couple but to change everything about yourself is something that you should never do to make someone else happy. It sounds like he was creating the woman he wanted to be with and you allowed him to mold you into someone and something that you were not – this is never good. It also sounds like he is extremely controlling. Did you discuss your expectations before you decided to move in with your boyfriend? I can see there were some areas left unaddressed and you leaped in, head and heart first, into something that you are now paying a dear price for. Now you have come to a crossroads in your relationship because you want to be who you truly are as a person and he has been made to feel vindicated in his efforts of control over you because you have allowed this behavior for a period of time without  – to make him happy. He obviously never considered how you felt and you never told him anything contrary to what he wanted or “requested” from you. You went along with whatever changes he wanted you to make, sacrificing yourself and your happiness all in the name of love. Now you, Mandy, must take back your power and make some tough decisions. If you continue down the path you are already going you will never be happy but know when you start to take back your life and recapture the real essence of which you are this will come with a lot of opposition.

I believe in keeping relationships together and I also believe in compromise; however, I am not in agreement with a total overhaul of your character to make your mate happy. You need to start with Mandy and work on regaining who you are as a person. First, talk to your boyfriend and let him know how you truly feel. If he is really committed to you and your future together you two can begin to work out the flaws in your relationship. The initial changes may shock him a bit but he will come to appreciate and love YOU for the REAL YOU – isn’t this who he fell in love with in the first place? If he really is as controlling as it seems in your email, I would like to suggest be prepared to make your exit. Controlling people do not like losing control over anything. The problem with them is they don’t have control in their own lives and need to dominate someone else to fulfill the void in their own worlds. These types of people can become very volatile and unpredictable and you need to be on the ready for the potential craziness that can ensue if you decide to leave the relationship. Start making contact with your family and friends and make them aware of your situation and his behaviors so they too can be ready if you need some help walking out the door. Facing the challenges of relationships are never easy and I wish you well in whatever decision you make. In fact, once you’ve made your decision email me or call me (I will send you my phone number) and let me know which course you are going to take. I want to help you as much as I can in either case.

Blank Chick Chronicles!!! Volume 6

I have had the chance to see some interesting things over this summer and I just dawned on me that unfortunately, blank Chicks run in packs – for the most part. They get dressed up in their summer’s best clothing and hit the jazz concerts, the beach, the amusement parks, the malls and man it’s like an all-star comedic review. If I could get paid for the number of blank Chicks running around in packs, I would open up a blank Chick rehab center and send these females into treatment. There would be no forms to fill out, I would drive around in a van and just pick them up, blindfold them and take them to the treatment facility. I have crew of Real Women waiting to tutoring and mentor them and provide them new lifestyle skills on everything from how to dress and put on makeup to carrying themselves as a respectable lady and still get the right man for them all at the same time.

If you don’t know my mantra by now, I shall say it again for you, “You don’t have to be a blank Chick all your life!” I really know this to be true, you can walk away from your blank Chick ways and you, especially, don’t have to run in a pack. Come on, you’ve seen them...they all look desperate and hungry, hunting for a man with too much makeup on, enough perfume to make you sick to your stomach as they gallop by you with raunchy clothes, jewelry and hooker hills to match. But there is something that you will notice about these women if you pay close attention – there is one who is the loudest and most dominate, she is the pack leader. She is the most outrageous of them all and she controls the movements of the others. She stands out because she is the one that demands to be the center of attention and he minions are often people who kiss her ass and live by her words. Now you wouldn’t consider her a blank Chick in most cases, most would call her the boss Chick or an alpha-female but you got it wrong. This woman is the most insecure in the bunch and controlling the other women or having other women around her with low self-esteem and low self-worthy just help to make her feel better about her blank Chick-ness. She needs people to co-sign her raggedy viewpoint on life, those that will offer no opposition and those that will allow her to continue down the road of being a true blank Chick. She is most likely the one that cannot be saved; the others have some potential for rescue. Which leads me to the other end of the spectrum; you will also find the woman in waiting. This young lady just hasn’t found her voice but she is the one that really doesn’t fit in the pack but because she hasn’t met the right woman to take her under her wing and remove her from the pack, she just sits back and rolls with the group. This is the one that can be saved from a life of mistake after mistake with friends and lovers. She is more to herself than the rest and would rather be in the background instead of up front and center. Unfortunate for her, she has aligned herself with the wrong group of women and she hasn’t found a way to break free – this is the woman that I usually try to befriend and offer her the option of moving out of the blank Chick crew and into her own womanhood with the ability to stand on her own two feet with friends or without, with a partner or without. I help her get in touch with her true self and leave those blank Chicks alone.

So these is my challenge to all the REAL WOMEN out there, go out and observe blank Chick packs; look for the two women that I just described. Grab the lady in waiting and offer her your mentorship but when you do be ready for the pack leader to approach you with some random bullshit. Challenging her will only lead to her blank Chick antics to go into full swing and being a woman of character you don’t want to have to slap the hell out of her and lose yourself for a moment to blank Chick thinking. Simply handle her ass with tack and class and she will back down because your strength will out shine her weakness but if she wants to take it to the streets on you do what you have to do!

Didn’t I Already Make Myself Clear

Okay, I had someone try to pull my card about my blog and I am good with that. I am not the kind of person that is not willing to hear about my own flaws in character and because I accept who I am, both good and bad, and I if there is something that needs fine tuning I can do that. I am also willing to apologize when I offend someone or do something that is out of line; however, I do not apologize for my opinion or my viewpoints on things or did I make myself perfectly clear in my biography.

I took some time away from the blog because I was not feeling well and for those of you who were ready to hear about my background and get to know me better – I apologize. I did not mean to put that out there and not keep my word so to make it up to you…I will extend the dates a bit and you will get to understand me as a person starting with this blog.

Now to the person that attempted to call me out on being opinionated and insensitive to the feelings of other women regarding my “Blank Bitch Chronicles,” let me let you in on a little secret darling….I don’t give a damn what you think or how you feel – the truth is the truth. If you are acting like a blank bitch (and trying to call me out on this was a blank bitch move) then you are what you are. Sorry if you don’t want to own, sorry you decided to continue to make poor choices, sorry you are not ready to move past being a blank bitch and continue to go for the okie doke when it comes to relationships and friendships you engage in. As Bobby Brown would say, “It’s My Prerogative,” to say what I think and how I feel about a situation and if you don’t like it – don’t read the blog.

Also, to my “associates” that want to try and find out who some of the stories are about and who is sending me questions to answer on the blog; I want to tell you it’s none of your business. I took a vow not to name people on this blog for a specific reason and I will continue to uphold that promise no matter what. Stop asking my friends and calling or texting me to find out who gave me their information or situation to talk about – that is between me and that person and it will always remain that way. They know who they are and they know that everything I’ve said on the blog, I have said to them in person.

Finally, I write this blog to show women and men that being open and honest about what you are thinking and feeling can only help you be a better you. I write it so that men can better understand women and women to better understand men. I write this blog to help people learn from my mistakes and those of my family and friends to deal with friendships and relationships. I write this blog to entertain you but most importantly to teach you some life lessons and/or reaffirm some things that you may have gone through in the past, present or future to help define your goals in a relationship or friendship. I also write this blog to eradicate blank bitch thinking and I am determined to touch at least one woman and change her around, to help one friendship survive the storms that come and one relationship to surpass all the challenges that it may face in this world. I have helped a few keep it together and I am proud to have been a voice of logic and reason for them.  I am not looking for a pat on the back or critical acclaim…I want to help you love and be loved. So now that you know my reasons for writing the blog, now that you have a better understanding of my viewpoint I hope that before you address me again with some nonsense you take a moment to reflect on this and know the first time I give a grace pass, the next time I am not going to be so nice and I promise you there will not be a third time. Remember words are powerful tools, they can break down and build up, and they can mold and mend or turn triumph into tragedy----think before you speak.

Until the next time, put these new ingredients in your mix and keep following the blog of Ms. Nix.

Muah!!!

A Little Bit About Me....

Okay, so I have been informed that you (my blog readers) don't know a thing about me and it makes my advice and/opinions a bit more impersonal. So this week, I am going to tell you some things about myself - how I am as a friend, a mother and in a relationship. You need to know me so you can relate to me and I want you to have some background on the person you are following. Now let me make this perfectly clear, I do not care what you think or what you will say after I let you into my world. I had to go through a lot to become the person that I am today and I will continue to grow as I become a better and more empowered me for tomorrow. So, you can have an opinion about me - that is definitely your right but again you should now this - YOUR OPINION OF ME DOES NOT MAKE ME, SHAKE ME, OR SHAPE ME! I'm good with me and I hope that in some way this blog will help you to be a better you. I am not closed to hearing what you think and I welcome all responses or questions you may have so by all means comment freely but be advised, you may love my responses and you may hate others but I promise I will be open, honest and tactful when addressing any comment you submit. With this disclaimer being made, let's begin.....


Background


I was born and raised in Southern California. My parents both have southern roo6ts - my mother's side is from Mississippi and Haiti and my father's side is from Texas. My parents had me at the ripe old age of 19 and both are graduates from Crenshaw High School in Los Angeles, California. I was truly a daddy's girl until my father's passing in 2006 which left a bit of a void in my world because I always believed I would grow old with both my parents since there is only 19 years age difference. My mother remarried in 2001 and moved to Atlanta, Georgia. We have a very interesting relationship but love is the core of our foundation and to me that is all that matters.


I grew up in South Central Los Angeles and I attended private school for most of my elementary years. I begged my mom to let me go to public school in the 80's to be with my cousin, we are separated in age by 6 months but by a year in school because my birthday falling in the spring and in CA you have to be 5 years old to enter school, and finally she conceded to let me go. If my mother would have known that I was about to bust loose, I am sure that she would have kept me in private school but she didn't and at first, I did not understand my new freedom from private school but I learned very quickly. The work in public school was much easier and I really didn't have to study much to get good grades and I am a people person by nature so I would learn my teachers (yes, I can admit this now thank goodness I'm not in school anymore) and with some of the personal issues that I had going on at the time (I will disclose this information in another blog) I was able to really get away with a lot of stuff. 


Now, I going to be real honest. I was a bully in school but I was not the loud in your face kind of person, I was extremely loyal to my friends and when you messed with my friends you had a real issue with me. As I have grown I have many lessons on "friendship" and I reserve my loyalty and commitment to a friendship to those people I have called my "trues" or my "Luke's"  - these people receive my "Ride or Die" chick attitude without question and you don't want to mess with my people in either one of these categories. Anyway, because of my devotion to my "friends," often I was the one called on when some thing jumped off. In my youth, I was not a real talker, a few words may get exchanged but  not very many; it was about the get down (the fight) for me. I was angry growing up for various reasons and fighting allowed me to get that out of me. I never caused a lot of trouble either, but I had some females around me that liked to run their mouths and keep up a lot of mess which would draw me into the mix. I've had a few of my rivals, as adults, see me out in public and say they couldn't understand why I would hang with this person or that because they never had a problem with me, personally, it was the person that was in my click they wanted. They just knew that once they messed with my crew, I was coming in like a hurricane - thank goodness for being able to grow up and learn how to decipher whose your friend and whose not and that someone didn't take me out of here before I learned to talk people out fighting over petty stuff.


As an adult,  I had to go through more life lesson to smooth out those rough edges in my personality. I had to learn how to be a friend to have real friends around me. I had to learn how to be unselfish because I was an only child - my mother and father did not have any other children outside of me (living). I have no biological siblings or half-sisters or brothers. I have given some people the title as brother or sister and believe if I call you this you must be very close and very special in my life because that has a deeper meaning for me and I take it very serious and very personal with circumstances that may concern me and the individuals' living with these titles in my life, being unselfish and selfless would help me be a mother to my sons. I had to learn how to be a woman because of dysfunction in my family unit, I learned this from various places but the most important things I learned from a man, not a woman, in my life - and to YOU I am very thankful and I appreciate you and your family, my second family now and forever. I had to learn how to be a listener instead of a reactor, patient and humble instead of anxious and uncontrolled. Essentially, I had to grow the hell up and become a woman instead of a little girl afraid of her feelings, of responsibilities, commitment and accountability. 


Now that I am 39 years young, I can say that I have come a long way from that little girl from South Central and I am more in-tune with who I am and more refined and ready for who I am going to be. Yes, I cuss a bit and still have some ghetto slang that will express my feelings in a way more people can relate to me but I am still in a better place mentally, emotionally and spiritually than I have been ever in my life. So this is the basic information about me and this is all you get for today; however, over the course of the next few days you will get to know more and more about me on a personal level. If you want to know something specific, email me at: msnixinthemix@gmail.com and I will post your question and my response on the blog. Until tomorrow darlings, stay in the Mix with Ms. Nix.

Blank Chick Chronicles!!! Volume 5

Well, well, well - the taking your man thing is still being glorified by blank Chicks in America. It amazes me that there are so many women thinking this is cute or this defines them as a woman to come into a relationship and upset a family, marriage or relationship by dealing with a man whose already in the "mix" with someone else. Let me tell you this, if you are one of these women - YOU ARE A BLANK CHICK!!! Straight up and I don't care of you don't like it, you shouldn't like being called blank or a Chick but your reckless behavior puts you in this category and if you don't want this to be your title then do something about it - make a change and stop going after people who are already involved!

California is the capital of the superficial, materialistic blank Chicks. Unfortunately, many of them are going to go after men that are currently involved with someone else. He could be married, in a girlfriend/boyfriend situation - it does not matter; the blank Chick is on a mission. She has a motive: attention, gifts, trips or money; she just wants to get him in her world and looks at the other woman as competition instead of someone that she should not want to hurt or harm with her actions.

I've been working since I was 16 years old, my family raised me to handle my own business and do not depend on another person to provide you with a life (financially or otherwise) - get out there and do for yourself. Any person that I've dated could tell you, I do not ask for nothing monetary it’s just not in me to do so. My wants and desires from my partner do not come in the form of money and gifts. I was married for 11 years (RIP Marcus Glen) and what I cherished most was the small things, simple things. I've had money, been around people with tons of money and things and that has never moved me one way or another. I take personal satisfaction by getting my own and while a partner contributing helps out and is appreciated - money does not move everything around me. I have some "gold-digging" friends that can't understand why I don't play the game and take a guy for everything he has (and doesn't in some cases) and make them pay like they weigh for my time and attention and while this may be their way of doing things; it’s not mines. I can tell you from those of my friends' that live that lifestyle, they men don't stay around too long because they run out of money or get tired of them only needing things from them and the girls are always looking for the next big money maker to become their "benefactor!" More importantly, they are looking for someone in a situation - married or in a relationship - because they don't necessarily want to have the man around all the time but also like the challenge of having another women in the picture as the competition.

An associate of mine named, "Lady," is a CA native and considers herself a kept woman. She is constantly in the mall shopping, does not own one pair of pants or jeans that I can think of, only wears dresses and stilettos, make-up picture perfect, has hair but wears a weave because it has less maintenance on average and only, ONLY dates men with money and married. She's a typical mistress drives a Benz, has access to credit cards from various guys...I call her a hooker every time we talk. She laughs it off but she knows I'm serious and every now and then she says I hurt her feelings. I call her the epitome of a blank Chick and she says I'm not being fair. The biggest problem that I have with her life is that she has a son and he is seeing this behavior on a regular basis. Yes, Lady you are grown and can live your life the way you want to but if you don't stop this foul behavior for yourself at least consider your son in all of this.

This young man is learning how to objectify women, treat them as expendable toys, never commit to any of them or keep a few and make sure to keep them happy with trinkets. You are nurturing him to become the type of man that uses women, hurts them and discards them at will. You are telling him, "It's Okay," you mom does not have a man that loves her and is committed to only her, that he sees you being treated like a high priced call girl and that his mother is not deserving of a healthy, loving relationship and it’s not enough that you throw money and gifts at him instead of love and attention because you are giving all you have to give to your paper chase with these guys. If CPS (Child Protective Services) could take a child from a parent for being a hooker, you would be a prime candidate but unfortunately, this poor boy is left to learn lesson of life and love from Lady and her self-esteem and self-worth are all wrapped around a few hundred dollar bills at the moment. WAKE UP BLANK CHICK!!

I go and get her little man from time to time so he can hang with my boys but it’s just a temporary situation because she comes and pick him up for a show piece to her family and friends. I cry for him and I want to slap the crap out of her - she's a prime example of why it’s important for Father's to be Father's; especially, when you have a blank Chick for a baby's mother......Well until next time, if you see a blank Chick grab her by the hand and give her my email address: msnixinthemix@gmail.com or the blog site I'm here to help every blank Chick that asks for help.....

Blank Chick Chronicles!!!! Volume 4

Its summer and it is time for every blank Chick all over the world to make themselves known. In Southern California (where I'm from) the summer concerts are underway, the motorcycle riders are making their annual trips all over the country, club promoters have a party for just about everything and high school reunion weekends are starting to take place - with all this activity, you will find more and more blank Chicks making their presences known. It's really sad to see them in all their delusional glory making a mockery of true love, sisterhood and the model of what and how a woman should carry herself......

We are in the middle of the summer and like any other here in Cali, men are staying well groomed and women are dressing less to escape these hot and humid days. As the morning turns into night and the weekend rolls around, everyone is getting ready for weekend pool parties, bar-be-ques and the newest hot spot to enjoy the one or two day break in their work week. I am not a club person, I go every now and then with my girlfriends but my choice would be to go and hear some good music, eat some good food and have some great conversation at a small little bistro tucked in a corner of the world that most people would pass by if they were not paying close attention. But with some of my recent personal tragedies, I have been asked to get out into the world with my friends and have a little fun?????

I've gone a few places - some on the ratchet side and others on a more upscale level but no matter where I've been I run into the same type of women. I am just shocked at how many women are out there willing to put all of themselves on the line (mind, body and soul) to have someone pay attention to them, for some man to notice them or buy them a drink. How a man who is clearly out to only get you in the bed for the night can say something as mundane as, "You're so beautiful," or "You're not like these other girls in here, I can tell there is something about you that makes you different," and he will convince her to go home with him or to go to her house and get what he can get from her and keep it pushing. The last time I went out, I found a little space that had the perfect view of the bar, the dance floor and the social area. I got a drink and sat back to watch this go down between the blank Chicks and the predators. I sipped my drink and paid close attention to the men. They are studying the blank Chicks and separating them from the women they know they are not going to succeed with. They notice the way the women are dressed, who has to be the center of attention, whose the loudest, who is drunk or reaching a level of intoxication that will make his words seem more appealing, who is wearing their heart or their emotions on their sleeves, what's her conversation about and if it is remotely sexual then you just made yourself the prime target for most predators out there.

This petite little girl with a nice shape comes up to the bar, several men are watching her studying ever move she is making because she is wearing next to nothing and leaving very little to the imagination. I predicted she would order a Hennessey and coke, check, she would get her drink and leave a tip for the bartender (to show she was not a broke chick), check, she would turn around and eye all the guys looking at her with a smirk or a smile to draw more attention to herself, check, and then the worse of the worse would come up to her and offer to buy her another drink and to pay for the one that she just got, check mate. Don't get me wrong, brother was hot!!!!!! but he was a vulture. He watched her the entire time and when he noticed her drinking he had to test the waters to see just how drunk she was. Once he realized she was intoxicated, she was done. I watched her twist her hair and smile and signal to her friend that she was going to give him her number and I just shook my head because the night was still young and this guy was not going to give up that easy she was already where he needed her to be - in blank Chick world and all he had to do was say the right thing and it was going to be another conquest for him and his boys to talk about tomorrow. They departed ways but I knew this was the beginning and I was right. As I exited the venue about an hour later, I saw them both by his car. She was telling her friend he would take her home and she would call them when she got there. I looked and laughed and said another one bites the dust....he heard me and smiled and said another one will tomorrow too!!! I just walked away.

Blank Chicks stop selling yourself short and pull your head out of the sand. You don't have to give yourself to any and every one that tells you how pretty you are especially in a club. Try covering up everything that a man would want to see, dress sexy not slutty and have a real conversation with a man. If he thinks you're cute or if he's attracted to you, you will know it’s not necessarily your but or your breast that may have caught his attention. You don't have to be loud, drunk or advertising sex to stimulate a man's interest in you. Be a lady in public - please!!!! Stop letting reality shows, rap artists and magazines define who you are take some time to know the woman you are and put her on a pedestal so that everyone else will admire your inner beauty and not just your huge booty! I want you to be with someone deserving not someone who is only wanting you to service them........

Until next time, remember you don't have to be a blank Chick all your life.....get it together!

Keep Your Friends Out Your Mix!

Nix:

My boyfriend and I have been together for several years and we have been very happy until recently. We would spend all our time together and since neither one of us has any children we were able to do things most of our other friends in relationships could not. We could take trips together, go to concerts and not have to worry about getting back home to a sitter or having someone watch the kids - this was not a concern we have. We would spend all our time together except when we were at work. However, my man decided he needed to start spending some time with his friends and I was okay with it at first but then it became a more routine activity. He was still coming home at a reasonable time but I just didn't like the fact that he was spending so much time with his friends and some were single. 

Well, I decided to start spending more time with my girlfriends. I thought it would balance out what was going on and in some way, I would feel better being out with them instead of being home waiting on my man to come back from his adventure with the guys. Needless to say, my friends started to ask questions and they wanted to know what was going on with my relationship. Are you guys okay? Is he cheating? Is your relationship in trouble? Girl, you better be one step ahead of him and don't let him play you for a fool! Now, normally I would not have feed into their comments but given all the recent changes in his behavior I felt a like there must be something going on since he didn't want to be with me as much. I started doing things I never would have done before, checking his pockets when he was sleep or going through his phone when he wasn't paying attention and although I didn't find anything I was sure there was something or someone that was getting his attention. So, I started going out more but now I'm on a mission. I am going to places I know that he goes with the guys and a few times we have ran into each other and while he was very loving toward me, I could tell he was not happy that I was there. What do you think? Could he be cheating and I just haven't caught him yet? I am just not understanding the change in his behavior and I am really concerned.

Jennifer T.

Dean Jennifer T.

My first and most valuable piece of advice is this KEEP YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY OUT OF YOUR BUSINESS. As women, we always want to talk to our family and friends about all the things going on in our personal lives and unless you are in a situation that is dangerous to you physically, mentally and/or emotionally - it is best not to bring your friends in your mix. Now, I am not saying you can't get advice every know and then but consider your source. Be selective on who you tell your business to, not everyone around you means to see you happy or wants to see you in a healthy relationship. Some people, even those in your inner circle, are just haters and they would rather see you miserable than in something that is working. Often they want what you have and since they can't have it they don't want to see you in it either. You also have to keep in mind that some people not only want the relationship that you have, but they also want the person you are in a relationship with. 

Also Jennifer, did it ever occur to you that you both are spending too much time together? Remember, you were individuals before you met and part of you being an individual is what attracted him to you and you to him in the first place. You cannot be so consumed with your relationship that you lose sight of who you are. When you do this, you give up parts of yourself and that is not attractive to your mate. You man may need to find himself again and that has nothing to do with you. He may be in need of feeling desired and wanted by you and the absence will draw you closer to him. You failed to give me your age but I can tell you this....Men go through phases just like women when they need to feel loved, they need attention, they want to be wanted and they want you to want them emotionally, mentally and physically! How is your intimacy? Are you showing him that you are missing him when he's gone? or are you waiting at home with your lip poked out ready to read him as soon as he walks in the door? You said he's not coming home late, so are you ready to play "house" when he comes home? 

Finally, have you even expressed to him how you are feeling? He's not a mind reader and I didn't see where you mentioned to him that you were having some concerns about the sudden change in his behavior. He may not be aware of what you are feeling and you really haven't given him a chance to address your concerns nor tell you why he feels the need to be with his friends more. And how would you feel with him going through your phone and in your purse and in your pockets when you weren't paying attention? You are already saying you don't trust him just with your actions. If he were to ever catch you, I can tell you he would be pissed especially since you admitted that there was nothing there already. A playa, no matter how good he/she thinks they are, will always leave some clue about what they are doing. Sometimes its not immediate but they always slip up and get found out. So now, what are you going to do? Continue to make blank bitch moves or put your big girl panties on and confront your feelings with your man? Let me know how it works out, I am very curious to see but in the mean time - KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS! They don't need to know nothing else about your business. Its obvious you are a little bit easy to lead astray so instead of letting your friends further damage your relationship take control of this mess that you were starting to create and be honest with your man about your concerns. 

Ladies, I cannot express more how important it is to keep your girl friends and your family out of your mix. Yes, it is fine to let them know how you are doing in your relationship and to get advice every now and then but always consider who you are telling your business to and you do not have to give out every detail of your relationship to everyone. Be exceptionally mindful of telling people about your fights and your bedroom stories - these can cause you some unwanted attention and advice and create a host of problems for you and your man. Simply know when to keep your mouth shut - not everybody (even those in your inner circle) mean you good! Women we tell our friends and family too much of our business expecting an impartial viewpoint - NOT!! We set-up negative comments by telling  all our business especially when we have arguments in our relationship - stop doing that you are creating a situation that can ultimately ruin your relationship.

He Just Won't Commit

I received a text message from a friend named, "Casey", and she was complaining about her boyfriend not willing to make a serious commitment, taking the next step, moving to the next level. They have been dating for the last 5 years and moved in with each other after year 3 of their relationship. She told me every time they have the conversation about considering the next phase of their relationship something comes up or he states he just doesn't think its the right time for them to discuss anything past what they have right now. 

Casey:

It's time for you to make a serious decision despite the fact you have made some grave mistakes during the course of the relationship. Woman, me included, do not always lay our expectations out there on the line nor do we tell our partners what our true intentions are in a relationship. If we were upfront about this in the beginning, I believe we would not be stuck, years later, wondering why our mate will not marry us. 

Your boyfriend has already been living with you. In his mind, why should he go through the ceremony and all the preparations for a real wedding when you have been playing house for the last two years. You've been cup-caking, washing clothes, buying cars and doing everything as a married couple but he hasn't had to make the sacrifice of self, he hasn't had to commit because you gave him the benefits of being married. 

You are going to have to make some serious decisions about your future. You are going to tell him your feelings and take a proactive stance. If he really wants to marry you, he will understand that the way your relationship is now is going to have to change. Yes, your man is going to have to come to terms with the fact that you are no longer willing to accept that you no longer are willing to live together in sin (play the video I inserted its perfect for your situation). 

Men will only do what you allow them to do and will get away with what you allow them to get away with. If you want someone to commit to you, be in a loving and caring relationship you have to be straight forward about your short-term and long-term goals with them up front. You also have to listen to what they are telling you about their wants and expectations. You'll discover very early on if you should invest any time and effort into someone. If you are clearly on two different paths then don't bother wasting your time. Don't do what most women try to do - change his mind. Baby, he is who he is and that is not going to change for you or no one else. He will only change if HE wants to change. 

Casey, if your boyfriend is ready to commit to you, you will find that he will do whatever it takes to keep you in his life and if he really loves you and wants to marry you it will not take long for him to move forward with your requests. However, if he is just content on playing house then prepare yourself to move on.....without him. He is not the one for you. He is not the type to make a serious commitment for whatever his reasons are and you can no longer waste time with someone that is not as serious about you as you are with him. 

Blank Chick Chronicles!!!! Volume 3 "An Open Letter to Sofia"

Well it’s that time again. Time to give blank Chicks another wake-up call. I hope that the message is starting to sink in - you don't have to be a blank Chick all your life. It's time to embrace your real womanhood and leave the blank Chick-isms in the past.

I recently had a conversation with a longtime friend and my blank Chick in training, "Sofia", she is really sweet and has a good heart but her head is not in the right place and her thinking is so messed up she is easy prey for men that are looking for someone to take advantage of. I really feel sorry for her because, in her case, she only knows what she has been taught. She comes from a long line of blank Chicks. All of them have either been in relationships for years where they have been victims of their own blank Chick thinking and behaviors and, unfortunately, they have passed this skewed thinking down to Sofia. Sofia is starting to see the negatives in her "man" but does not know what to do, she's starting to wake-up a little but she is really not all the way there!

Now I am a woman that believes in making a man feel like a man and allowing him to be the man in the relationship and this is not easy for me and a lot of other women. Especially, those that were raised by single mothers who were very strong and were very dominating in their personality and how they dealt with life situations. When you have to be mother and father with your children, you have to fight for everything you have in your life and wear both the pants and the skirt at the same time - you are not likely to want to sit back and allow a man to really play his role. You are used to being in control of everything and men take offense to woman stepping on their manhood. Men are instinctively hardwired to be leaders (even if they are not worthy of the title) and they need to be needed and wanted and to be viewed as the head of the household or lead in the relationship. Well.....

Sofia is the perfect prey for those men seeking an easy mark. She will let you be the man without a doubt but she also has very little requirements for how she should be treated as a woman. Sofia was dealing with this man that was just using her for everything that he could get. She has her own home and within a few months of knowing him, he had already moved in and was making himself very comfortable. So comfortable, in fact, he started calling her home, his home - I looked at him with a look of disgust every time I heard the words coming out of his mouth. He would give people her phone number and treat her like she was his secretary, "Babe make sure you say the Johnson residence may I take a message for Mr. Johnson he's not available at the moment," and she would do this without hesitation - I just looked at her like she lost her mind. She would make him dinner and no matter what time he came in, she made sure it was hot and waiting for him; even if he came home at 5 or 6 in the morning. She never questioned him or his behavior. She was just happy to have some kind of man in her life. I felt so sorry for her only because this is the same behavior her mother, aunts, and grandmother display right now in their relationships - she hasn't been taught balance and how to really know when someone is taking advantage of you. Because of what she's seen from the women in her life, she believed that you take anything and everything a man tells you or does and you never question him. You deal with it and continue to be the non-questioning, doting girlfriend - eventually your love will change him and he will be the man he should be for you and to you, WRONG!!!!!

Sofia, dear, this man is a predator and you are the perfect prey. I wrote this blank Chick chronicle for you. You don't have to play the victim or accept any and every piece of bullshit a man has to offer you. You will find a man, a real man once you put your blank Chick thinking behind. You have made this man feel like a king and that's okay if he was treating you like a queen but you, darling, are his doormat. He has absolutely no respect for you at all. You are not his personal secretary, he does nothing to contribute to YOUR HOME - I've never seen him take out the trash, vacuum, hell....he doesn't even work so I know that you are supplying him with clothing and money. Damn this is a real pimp/ho kind of situation and if I wasn't a true friend I would probably tell this cat he owes me money for allowing him to be around for the last year without beating him down for taking advantage of you. But instead, I want you recognize the mess you've gotten yourself into and make a plan to get the hell out of this situation.

This man does not work and you do; he's surviving off you. He's in your home, laying in the bed that you bought, watching the television that you have paid for and using the electricity that you pay for each month. You also are cooking the groceries that you work hard for and making meals for someone that hasn't done one thing for you. Seriously, without YOU he wouldn't have a damn thing. If he wants to be the boss, he's got to pay the costs. you and you don't need him. You were set before he came along but your desperation to have a man in your life, you accepted some bullshit of a man in your world. PLEASE LET GO OF THE BLANK CHICK THINKING AND KICK THIS FOOL OUT OF YOUR HOUSE AND MOVE THE HELL ON!!! There are men out there that will come to the table with the same things you have to offer and believe me they are out there. But because of your weaknesses, you are a target for the garbage men. These men only want to take from you and leave you high and dry when you are all used up. When you are ready to really enter in REAL WOMANHOOD and shake this blank Chick behavior - let me know because for you I will make the exception. I know you got your blank Chick thinking from your environment and no one has taken the time to show you or tell you different.

Sofia, you are coming to the next girlfriend's circle and we are going to pull you out of blank Chick land and move you toward Real Womanhood. You are going to be a force to deal with very soon and I can't wait to see you blossom and bloom! Love you Sofia.....

Blank Chick Chronicles!!!! Volume 2

Okay, it’s time to give another blank chick some enlightenment. I am so sorry that there is even a need to address this issue but it’s a requirement to tell this "women" that they are really living in a world of delusion and self-deception and destruction. They have to put on their big girl panties and take charge of their own lives, thinking and destiny. A blank chick comes in all shapes, sizes, ages and races - blank chick-ism is not a respecter of persons and there are some men that fit into this category and yes they will be put on blast for their blank chick behaviors as well.

Let's take a journey into blank chick land, shall we?

Every now and then some friends and I get together and have a girl's talk session. Most of the conversation is about what we've been up to and what we plan on doing and making plans to take vacations together or have play dates with our kids - the average things that women talk about. However, at some point we always gravitate to the men in our lives (or lack thereof) and friendships or relationships we may have with friends that are either in distress or have taken positive turns; in either case, we talk about relationships of all kinds in various stages of growth or decline. At this particular meeting, a new person was introduced and this young lady seemed to have a straight head on her shoulders (or so I thought until she opened her mouth). She was cute maybe 5'7" or 5'8" with a shape that most black men would be drooling over - no belly, B cup, and a huge butt! She was not sloppy in her dress attire and she kept her hair short, in a pixy cut. We were all sharing out various concerns or stories about some craziness that we had been through laughing about how we did this or that when this young lady decided to join in the conversation and started telling how she was madly in love with wonderful man.

Her "man" was tall, dark and handsome. He had an athlete’s build and was very attentive to her needs. They would talk throughout the day and if he wasn't coming to see her that evening, they would talk throughout the night. My friend asked her when was the last time she had been to his house and the young one answered she hadn't - ummm I started hearing small sirens of stupidity ringing in my ears but I said nothing at this point I wanted her to continue (one thing I learned is that people will eventually give you all the information that you need about their situation if you listen long enough and don't interrupt them or make any kinds of verbal gestures of agreement or disagreement with anything that they say and if some alcohol is in the mix, you will get all the details that are usually left out on purpose). The young lady went on to say that her man would her "man" would take her out but never really around his family or friends because he didn't want her to be around his friends because they were hounds and his family was a group of undesirables - now I have not only bells ringing but my palms are sweating and I am getting heated, my friends are noticing my look of disgust and one of them kicks me under the table to stop it and let her continue; I did but not without pinching myself to distract me away from the blank chick-isms come out of her mouth as she continued to dote on this "man" that obviously was keeping her a secret and then she let the cat out of the bag.....

Yes, my "man" is in the middle of a divorce. He and his wife have been separated for some time now. I have met her a couple of times but she's a hot mess. She's always trying to make trouble for him and cause us to have complications in our relationship. At this point, I could not contain myself anymore. First, I told my girlfriends that they next time they invite someone to our circle they have to be screened for blank chick thinking. I come to this circle to learn and to give others what I have learned - those that may have a blank chick moment every now and then but not living in a blank chick world. The young lady looked at me like I had just lost my mind and, in fact, I had because it makes me crazy when a woman does not see the obvious writing on the wall, when a man is playing games and manipulating a woman because she is allowing it to happen to her. YOU NEVER HAVE TO BE WITH ANYONE THAT IS NOT DESERVING OF THE WOMAN YOU ARE. YOU ARE STRONG, BEAUTIFUL AND NEVER DO YOU HAVE TO SETTLE FOR BULLSHIT! AS LONG AS YOU DO, YOU CONTINUE THE CYCLE MEN HAVE BEEN USE TO - IF SHE'S DESPERATE ENOUGH FOR A MAN SHE'LL ACCEPT WHATEVER PIECE OF ME I GIVE HER! Now, I turned and looked this young lady directly in the eye and I said to her, "Sweetheart, please stop calling him your man and identify with who you really are in his life. You are his mistress and his wife is giving you hell because he is flaunting you around as his eye candy, taunting his wife with his affair. Please tell me that you are not that stupid to think this man is divorcing his wife. If he is really divorcing her, then let him finish his business before you continue dealing with him. Although it’s too late for his wife not to continue to give you problems because you are messing with HER MAN, you can at least try to correct this situation before it goes any further. But I really believe he is not going anywhere, he's not leaving his wife. She's just as blank as your ass because the reason you haven't been to his home is because it’s still THEIR HOME! Yes, honey this guy you are dealing is still sleeping in the bed with his wife at their home and that is why you can never go to his house. Oh yeah, his family and friends will tell his wife about you and what you guys do. He can't have you around them because they are around him and his WIFE. You are the secret not the priority......and with that she got pissed and left. I didn't care but I had to say what I did because I hope that she will go home and think about it, I know it won't stop her because one of her last statements before I went off was how much she LOVES this man.....She's headed down a long road of heartache and disappointment not to mention bad karma because of her poor choice.

Okay so let me say this again - YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A BLANK CHICK ALL YOUR LIFE. YOU NEVER HAVE TO SHARE A MAN NOR DO YOU HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ANY BULLSHIT HE'S DISHING OUT. IF YOU ARE AN OPTION AND NOT THE PRIORITY, IF HE CAN'T BRING YOU AROUND HIS FRIENDS AND FAMILY --HELL IF HE'S IN THE MIDDLE OF "A DIVORCE" LET THAT MAN FINISH WHAT HE STARTED WITH SOMEONE ELSE BEFORE HE DEALS WITH YOU. I BET IF YOU TELL HIM THIS HE WILL EITHER BACK UP OFF YOU OR HE'S GOING TO TRY TO TELL YOU SOME RIDICULOUS REASON WHY YOU TWO SHOULD SEE EACH OTHER AND AT THIS POINT YOU SHOULD BE WALKING AWAY FROM HIS TRIFLING ASS.....TAKE THESE INGREDIENTS AND PUT THEM IN YOUR MIX - BLANK CHICK!!

Inter-racial Dating....why not?

Well, I have been approached and asked my opinion on inter-racial dating. It really should not be an issue in 2012; so many people are dating outside of their own race it is not as taboo as once believed many years ago. However, it doesn't matter that we are in the 21st century, people still have very negative attitudes toward men and women who date outside their race. I really think that this is some straight bullshit. 


I have a few friends, male and female, that date and have married outside of their race and while all our mutual friends are happy with the fact our friend(s) have found love and happiness in an individual, you will find that outsiders have a very different viewpoint on the matter. You may also find some people you believed were your friends and close associates have a problem with you choice in a mate. My personal opinion is to tell them to kiss you but and keep moving. You don't have to answer to anyone about who you decide to date, fall in love with or marry. If you and your partner truly love and care about one another then you should do as you want. However, you must live in realistic terms and know that you will find some opposition out there in the world from men and women (alike). 


For example, I know a Caucasian female that has only dated black males and eventually she has engaged in a long-term relationship with a gentlemen (he's a really good guy - yeah!!!). However, she receives much scrutiny and the side-eye from black women when we go out anywhere and she is with her partner. They damn near snarl at her and you can either hear the snide remarks being made, some stereotypical comment about how black men go to white women because they are easy to control, they do whatever they want, etc. This is absolutely not the case (1st off) and you don't know what they have been though as a couple to be where they are today. In fact, it is people like these "haters" or "racists" that usually drive these relationships in turmoil. But for my white girlfriends that are dating or married to black men my hats are off to you and I've got your back ladies. Don't let these people bother you, tell them to kiss you ass or if you want to be suave in saying it with some irony on it say it in Spanish, "Beso Mi Culo Negro" translation "Kiss My Black Ass!" and keep it moving. To my black male friends dating a white girl or anyone woman outside his race - tell them heffas you just don't give a damn and about what they think. 

You can't let what people think or say determine or define your relationship with anybody.  If somebody has anything to say about who you are dating or married to; they have the problem and not you. I love seeing couples that are madly in love with each other no matter what race they are and what age they are - love is love and a good relationship shows through and last through anything that society can throw at you!!! Hang on in there and if you need someone to put someone straight about their narrow-minded views send them my way and I will let them know the real about their raggedy thinking. 

Blank Chick Chronicles!!!

Well I believe that you can find a blank chick everywhere you go and not matter what time of the day - she will be lurking with her theories on men that are just ridiculous and just simple. This weekend was no exception and just proves my theory, they are out there and they really need some help from REAL WOMEN to get themselves on the road to womanhood and a true identity.

I was out with my youngest son and I decide we both needed to have some pampering. The last few months have been devastating for our family and we all need a bit of rest and relaxation. My oldest is with his father and my youngest is with me. We just decided to have some mommy and me time and went to get our nails and feet done. Well as we sat there waiting for our manicurist to get our pedicure water done - I ran into a young woman that was waiting for her toes to dry. We started a conversation about my son getting his feet done and then her "blank chick" tendencies came to the surface.

She said that she could never imagine taking her son to get his feet done and I said why not? The young lady stated that it was just a bit feminine to do so and she didn't want to give him the wrong impression about his masculinity. If I was light skin, you would have saw exactly how flushed I was with the stupidity of the statement she had just made. I turned my head so we were looking each other directly in the eyes and I told her do you know how ridiculous that sounds? She said no she didn't think it was ridiculous at all -and that is where I had to let her live in her blank chick world for a moment before I responded.

I said young lady it is not a masculine or feminine thing for a man (a young man) to get his feet done. We (my son and I) came to have some time alone and to enjoy someone else taking care of us. This wasn’t first time my son had received a pedicure and there is nothing wrong with a man getting his feet done. For me, it shows that he is very much into grooming himself and the lesson I am teaching my son is that it is okay to take some time out to take care of yourself and your body. Men get their nails buffed and keep their feet together just like women do - my mother did this for my oldest son and he will not date a woman who has jacked up feet to him there is no excuse not to take care of your feet whether you do it yourself or if you go and get your feet done on by a professional. The young lady looked at me with her slightly open and I simply said its okay to understand that your opinion does not matter to me and that I think that you are a very immature person with rather rigid viewpoints about life but hey you are entitled to believe what you want and while you son my not have a broadened view on taking care of himself in the future mines will know that if he wants to have nice looking hands and feet there is nothing wrong with getting them done every now and again.

She huffed a bit, turned in her chair and avoided eye contact with me for the next 15 minutes. However, when my son sat in the chair and enjoyed his feet getting done - laughing as the lady gently scrubbed his little digits she just looked in amazement and when he said mom this is something I want to do every now and then with my wife I just smiled. She looked at me with a look of astonishment and I just said out loud, "What a wonderful thing to do with your wife when you get married. I'm glad I showed you something different to show the lady of your life in the future." He laughed and said you always do mom - he's 7.

Blank chicks need to stay in their lane if they are not willing to learn from a real woman. A real woman wants to expose her children to things that will enhance their lives, motivate them to do well and take care of themselves. A blank chick is worried about what others may think or how someone may classify their children as masculine or feminine because they are getting their feet done or nails buffed, etc. and while there are some things that are strictly male and female related activities (in some respects) or lines of thinking; when you segregate everything in life with your children you are doing them a disservice by not allowing them to be exposed to different elements of life. GROW THE HELL UP YOU BLANK CHICK!

Welcome Everyone to my blog - In the Mix with Ms. Nix!!! And let me get straight to the point, I created this blog about relationships, dating, love and lust. Simply put this is a question and answer forum - you send me the questions and I am giving you the answers with no shades of gray. My disclaimer (warning) is this DO NOT ASK IF YOU DON'T WANT ME to answer. While I encourage you to ask everything you want and anything you want but expect my OPINION when answering. I want to also request that we respect each other in responding as much as humanly possible but I do have a blog post I will put each week called the Blank Bitch Chronicles. If this offends you, I apologize to you right now but the truth is the truth and I am tired of blank bitches. The best way to help them is to acknowledge their ridiculous nature and eradicate their line of thinking and being. So are you ready for the journey into the fabulous world of love, I hope so and with each post I promise you a new ingredient to add to your mix. So stay tuned in to this blog and stay in the mix with Ms. Nix - cause I'm mixing it like a bowl of soup!

Email me with your questions. If you do not want your name published write anonymously or use another name I WILL NOT divulge your true identity!