Break It Up!!! By Carmen Fletcher - Guest Writer

Break It Up!

It’s getting hot in the bedroom, in the kitchen, in the car, and out on the street…Because you’re fighting too much! In the post-Valentine season and right before its time to break out the new cute sandals and shorts, some are breaking out of relationships and sleeping in cold aggravating tears. Something arises in men and women that make them crave something new with the warmer seasons approaching and excuses for escape are fought harder than finding solutions. Why do we do this when love is so much easier? Now let’s not fight for something not worth fighting for such as: unceasing infidelity, abuse, laziness, hidden relationships…you get the picture. However there are other things that we build our anxiety and frustrations over that cause unnecessarily drama-filled breakups that could have been avoided. 

Let’s talk… 

Why so serious? It seems that after Valentine’s Day the *fun romantic spark* starts to dwindle and before you know it’s back to the routine of eat, work, sleep, and maybe some romance if it is properly planned.  It is wonderful to be a woman on a mission of success with 3-30 different entrepreneurial ventures running through your brain, veins, and heart; however there are times when you forget that someone loves you and they can be viewed as your bothersome accessory that is awaiting your heart at home. This is not uncommon when people are climbing their way or fighting to stay at the top. But… THIS IS BORING & DAMAGING. Since everything else is controlled in your life, let go of the fear to break away from the restrictive mold and fall in love with your friend again. Make new discoveries with each other, introduce new things into your lives, live with the purpose of making a memory and stop taking your world so seriously and enjoy life. You’ve worked hard for your life it’s not going anywhere, make time for love before you lose it. Unfortunately, some still need fulfillment from others, even though they have a love at home. 

In these moments it is important to remember to look with your eyes not with your heart.  Men will see a woman walking down the street that make their heads turn and eyes enlarge like an owl and we smack them and yell at them for ‘cheating with their eyes’. Yet when we are out with our girlfriends we will get locked in a gaze for every Denzel-Morris-Dwayne Johnson look-a-like that we talk about for the next hour and tell our men not to be jealous…come on ladies… The truth is we all have eyes for looking, hands for touching, and hearts for loving and as long as the hands and hearts remain at our sides and connected to our partners there is nothing to worry about on either end.  So the next time either of you spot someone that looks like they were genetically engineered to be perfect just remember that they may have caught your eye, but your love has captured your heart. Now if your man is seen just looking at another woman, don’t allow anyone else to discredit his love for you. 

          When you are going through a change in your relationship always be careful about who you talk to about your relationship, including family, while remembering that bitter bickering come from bitter women. Let’s say your man has been going out pretty frequently with his friends to do ‘manly things’ that leaves you at home alone. Even though he said he will be home soon, you’re still feeling pretty lonely and decide to call all your friends just to chat and pass the time. Next thing you know you find yourself getting up in arms with unrealistic accusations because your only single bitter friend (who has been sleeping alone all winter because she hates all men but still wants one) starts implanting her sad tales into your head and making you question your love. So when your man does get home he is the ‘enemy’ that is ready to spend time with you. Why allow someone to inject their bitterness into your life when you have the wherewithal to control your own? Instead of being fuming mad for no reason redirect your energy into being a completed woman; Go out with friends, read books you never have time to, watch shows he would normally complain about, have an at home spa day etc. And if it truly bothers you that he is spending more time with his friends than you SAY SOMETHING, despite their other wonderful qualities, men cannot read minds. Always be the initiator for change in your relationship, do not allow others to control your love.

Speaking of initiating change in love sometimes with a change of season we need to warm things up or cool things down in the bedroom. When you are in a relatively new relationship you are trying every trick in the Kama Sutra book that you can find and you are grateful to be walking afterwards. Then it dwindles down to, ‘You ready?’ ‘Yup’ ‘Almost there’ ‘Ah there it is!’ ‘Ok goodnight.’ However some couples are just the opposite where it started off slow then picked up to the point of an unhealthy obsession. There is no true measure of where someone should be with their partners sexually it is constantly growing, changing, and expanding into new experiences of pleasure. If sex has become such a mundane act that it’s not even pleasurable anymore do not be afraid to seek the assistance of a Loveologist who will educate you on how to expand your experience with alternative practices, toys, positions, and the ever cherished G-spot. Another tip is to always have a spiritual connection with your mate by looking into their eyes while interchanging positions and orgasm. It enhances the physical connection in addition to connecting with your mates mind and feelings that they are having about you or anything else. By doing so discussions of healing could emerge as well as further bonding. However, if you are in a hyper-sexed situation and feel that your body literally cannot take anymore and have the doctor bill to prove it then seek other ways to connect. During alternative activities reevaluate how your love is shown and how mature relationship truly is.

We are not perfect and change is always a factor from weather seasons to life seasons. There is always room for improvement in a relationship when dealing with communication, trust, and sex. If you find yourself in any of these situations and feel like it’s over don’t break up, break it up and make a commitment to change. 

About the Author

Carmen Fletcher is a Public Relations Manager and writer that willingly shares her perspective on life, love, and more through poetry, testimonies, and inspirational stories. She is a Contributing Writer on www.breathoflifedaily.com  and has contributed to the book Super Singles Activate! Testimonies to Inspire and Uplift the Single Woman. In addition she is currently working on several books and orchestrating the Rise Above campaign featured on the fan page of inspirational book Yes! Confess Success www.facebook.comm/YesConfessSuccess