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In The Mix With Ms. Nix!
My Opinion On Relationships, Friendships and Everything Else.....
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Monday, March 4, 2013
We'll Be Back Soon!
Ms. Nix will be moving shortly. We are concentrating all our efforts right now to get our website created. I know you are missing our blog and we definitely are missing you too! Please hold on and know the Mix is coming back strong with new contributors/writers and fresh content and, of course, our most beloved segment The Blank Chick Chronicles!"
Keep It In the Mix!!!
**To keep you Mixing, check out some of the past posts**
Keep It In the Mix!!!
**To keep you Mixing, check out some of the past posts**
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Break It Up!!! By Carmen Fletcher - Guest Writer
Break It Up!
It’s getting hot in the bedroom, in the kitchen, in
the car, and out on the street…Because
you’re fighting too much! In the post-Valentine season and right before
its time to break out the new cute sandals and shorts, some are breaking out of
relationships and sleeping in cold aggravating tears. Something arises in men
and women that make them crave something new with the warmer seasons
approaching and excuses for escape are fought harder than finding solutions.
Why do we do this when love is so much easier? Now let’s not fight for
something not worth fighting for such as: unceasing infidelity, abuse, laziness,
hidden relationships…you get the picture. However there are other things that
we build our anxiety and frustrations over that cause unnecessarily
drama-filled breakups that could have been avoided.
Let’s talk…
Why so
serious? It seems that after
Valentine’s Day the *fun romantic spark* starts to dwindle and before you know it’s
back to the routine of eat, work, sleep, and maybe some romance if it is properly planned. It is wonderful to be a woman on a mission of
success with 3-30 different entrepreneurial ventures running through your
brain, veins, and heart; however there are times when you forget that someone
loves you and they can be viewed as your bothersome accessory that is awaiting
your heart at home. This is not uncommon when people are climbing their way or fighting
to stay at the top. But… THIS IS
BORING & DAMAGING. Since everything else is controlled in your
life, let go of the fear to break away from the restrictive mold and fall in
love with your friend again. Make new discoveries with each other, introduce
new things into your lives, live with the purpose of making a memory and stop
taking your world so seriously and enjoy life. You’ve worked hard for your life
it’s not going anywhere, make time for love before you lose it. Unfortunately,
some still need fulfillment from others, even though they have a love at home.
In these moments it is important to remember to look with your eyes not with your heart. Men will see a woman walking down the
street that make their heads turn and eyes enlarge like an owl and we smack
them and yell at them for ‘cheating with their eyes’. Yet when we are out with
our girlfriends we will get locked in a gaze for every Denzel-Morris-Dwayne
Johnson look-a-like that we talk about for the next hour and tell our men not
to be jealous…come on ladies… The truth is we all have eyes for looking, hands
for touching, and hearts for loving and as long as the hands and hearts remain
at our sides and connected to our partners there is nothing to worry about on
either end. So the next time either of
you spot someone that looks like they were genetically engineered to be perfect
just remember that they may have caught your eye, but your love has captured
your heart. Now if your man is seen just
looking at another woman, don’t allow anyone else to discredit his love for
you.
When
you are going through a change in your relationship always be careful about who
you talk to about your relationship, including family, while remembering that bitter bickering come from bitter women.
Let’s say your man has been going out pretty frequently with his friends to
do ‘manly things’ that leaves you at home alone. Even though he said he will be
home soon, you’re still feeling pretty lonely and decide to call all your
friends just to chat and pass the time. Next thing you know you find yourself
getting up in arms with unrealistic accusations because your only single bitter
friend (who has been sleeping alone all winter because she hates all men but
still wants one) starts implanting her sad tales into your head and making you
question your love. So when your man does get home he is the ‘enemy’ that is
ready to spend time with you. Why allow someone to inject their bitterness into
your life when you have the wherewithal to control your own? Instead of being
fuming mad for no reason redirect your energy into being a completed woman; Go
out with friends, read books you never have time to, watch shows he would
normally complain about, have an at home spa day etc. And if it truly bothers
you that he is spending more time with his friends than you SAY SOMETHING, despite their other
wonderful qualities, men cannot read minds. Always be the initiator for change
in your relationship, do not allow others to control your love.
Speaking of initiating change in love sometimes
with a change of season we need to warm
things up or cool things down in the bedroom. When you are in a
relatively new relationship you are trying every trick in the Kama Sutra book
that you can find and you are grateful to be walking afterwards. Then it
dwindles down to, ‘You ready?’ ‘Yup’ ‘Almost there’ ‘Ah there it is!’ ‘Ok goodnight.’
However some couples are just the opposite where it started off slow then
picked up to the point of an unhealthy obsession. There is no true measure of
where someone should be with their partners sexually it is constantly growing,
changing, and expanding into new experiences of pleasure. If sex has become
such a mundane act that it’s not even pleasurable anymore do not be afraid to
seek the assistance of a Loveologist who will educate you on how to expand your
experience with alternative practices, toys, positions, and the ever cherished
G-spot. Another tip is to always have a spiritual connection with your mate by
looking into their eyes while interchanging positions and orgasm. It enhances
the physical connection in addition to connecting with your mates mind and
feelings that they are having about you or anything else. By doing so
discussions of healing could emerge as well as further bonding. However, if you
are in a hyper-sexed situation and feel that your body literally cannot take
anymore and have the doctor bill to prove it then seek other ways to connect.
During alternative activities reevaluate how your love is shown and how mature
relationship truly is.
We are not perfect and change is always a factor
from weather seasons to life seasons. There is always room for improvement in a
relationship when dealing with communication, trust, and sex. If you find
yourself in any of these situations and feel like it’s over don’t break up, break
it up and make a commitment to change.
About the Author
Carmen Fletcher is a Public Relations Manager and writer that
willingly shares her perspective on life, love, and more through poetry,
testimonies, and inspirational stories. She is a Contributing Writer on www.breathoflifedaily.com and
has contributed to the book Super Singles Activate! Testimonies to Inspire and
Uplift the Single Woman. In addition she is currently working on several books
and orchestrating the Rise Above campaign featured on the fan page of
inspirational book Yes! Confess Success www.facebook.comm/YesConfessSuccess
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Thursday, February 14, 2013
Love Day…Not for All!
So today
is Valentine’s Day and most people are walking around in bliss, buying balloons
and candy, preparing for intimate dinners and an evening full of personal
exchanges of love and affection from their mate. I wish this sentiment was
impressed upon everyone I know but, unfortunately, everyone is not in love and
Valentine’s Day is only a burden or added salt to a wound of the heart.
I just
wanted to take a moment since today is considered the “day of love,” and I want
to express to each and every one of my family, friends, supporters, and
followers….love starts with you! If you are at the beginning of a relationship
make sure you have asked all the questions needed to determine if going any
further is worth your time and effort. If you are in a long-term union or
marriage, whatever bought you two together is worth fighting for. If your mad,
disappointed, or hurt by something(s) that have happened or currently happening
– remember you fell in love with this person, go back to the moment you knew
love existed and draw strength from that place to work on your partnership.
But if
you have reached the end of your journey with the individual you once called
your “soul mate” if things are beyond repair – have some dignity and discretion
with your personal matters. One thing I learned from my mother, do not ever (I
mean ever) bad mouth the person you once called your husband/wife. Believe me
it comes back to haunt you in ways you would not believe. My mother and father
never did that to one another in my presence. Each allowed me to make my own
decision and about the other and I am grateful and thankful of that wisdom. The
very things you say about your ex-significant other you will either endure again
in life (because you are still holding on to the pain of the experience) or you
will pass it on to someone else. I’d rather you know I am a women with
integrity and grace who has more important things in life to do rather than
demean or disparage who you are than to be known as a bitter, vindictive person
who has their hurt and pain on display for the world to scrutinize. It’s not
the worlds business and the people in this world are not going to heal me
internally – only I can do that so why waste time dwelling on you when I can
spend the time healing and improving on me!
Until the next time, add this ingredient to the bowl of decisions for
your life and stay In the Mix with Ms. Nix!
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Thursday, February 7, 2013
Blank Chick Chronicles 2013 - Volume 3
Stop Being Messy…With Your Life!
Blank chicks, PLEASE, stop being so damn messy with your life. We all
understand you don’t have your life together. We get you’re not emotionally or
mentally apt to handle adult issues in a mature manner. Believe me, we
completely understand what we are downright sick and tired of is you being so
messy! You really need to stop and check how you get down – how you really are
perceived by other people. You do not get brownie points for being loud and
obnoxious, you’re a “blank chick” it’s in your nature. You don’t have to
constantly demonstrate your inadequacies, we’ve been trying to encourage and
aid you on your transition into womanhood and adult thinking and behaving.
- Stop bedding every man
that pays you some attention
- Stop gossiping about
people, you only look ridiculous
- You don’t have to prove
anything to anyone, except YOURSELF
- Stop hiding behind the
“bad girl” “boss bitch” image – if you were all that tough you would have
made some of the “blank chick” mistakes you’ve made in your life
- Stop calling yourself a
bitch – the terms original meaning refers to a female dog is that how you
really view yourself?
The Mix…
I came into the blog world to enlighten, both men and especially women,
on “blank” views/thinking. It is time to eradicate the “blank chick” and get
your lives together. I want to help you in any way I can – you are why I’m here
but you have to promise to make some effort to help yourself. I won’t give up
on you! Until the next time, add this ingredient to the bowl of decisions for
your life and stay In the Mix with Ms. Nix!
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
You Shouldn’t Have Said Yes
I’ve
never said being in a relationship is easy; it’s hard work – its understanding
when you have no idea what the heck is going on, its compromising even when you
feel you are right about an issue that has come up, its continuing to love even
when you don’t even like the person at the moment, it’s being the best person
you can be even when the one you love is being the worse.
Women
and men operate so differently. Most women are emotional beings and many men
are fixers – they want to make things right when something is going wrong.
Women are typically nurturing creatures and men show affection through the
things they do not always by the words they say. I have a lot of male and
female friends. I speak to both regarding relationship issues, good and bad,
and I know married and single people. My single friends want to be in
relationships and (unfortunately) the married couples are often seeking a way
out of their union.
I called
to check on the “happy” couple and see how their union was going since they are
now entering reality and moving away from the honeymoon phase. Initially, both seemed joyful and content but
as the conversation went on I could tell there was more underneath all of them,
“I love him and I love her so much,” I kept hearing from them over the
phone. Later on that evening, the wife
called me back and broke down her feelings about her husband. She said she felt
insecure because of some situations prior to their marriage and behaviors with
other women during their engagement. She rattled off to me during the course of
their engagement her husband was using social media outlets to talk to other
women and when confronted with the issue he would claim the conversations meant
nothing even with the damning evidence of his asking to take other women out,
setting up video chats, and asking for provocative pictures. I asked had the
behaviors continued since they have been married and she stated, not to the
same degree but there were instances here and there where he would have a
conversation with an ex-lover or reach out to some random girl. I told her I
would have to think about her information and call her back.
After I
thought long and hard about their issues, I knew these two should not have been
married. In fact, I would have suggested some long and intensive counseling
before they even considered getting married. But they are now in a union and
the best way to salvage what they have was for some therapy and behavior changes
to occur. Instead of calling them, I decided to take a trip to their house and
sit them both down. I told them you both have valid reasons for how you feel
and you both have made some horrible mistakes and you both don’t trust each
other nor do you know how to communicate with each other. If you truly love one
another, you really need to consider going to a marriage counselor to learn how
to trust each other and love each other honestly and openly. You need to be honest
with one another and behavior, on both parts, need to change immediately. If
you do not want your marriage to end you need to solve your trust issues or you
will be in divorce court before you even make it to your 2 year anniversary.
The Mix
I know
some women have biological clocks ticking and I know some men want to settle
down and have a family but if you have trust issues you need to really put
forth the effort to work out the internal demons you have before you decide to
have a partnership with someone for the rest of your life. The lack of trust
will drive any relationship into the ground and you will have an enemy instead
of a lover, companion and friend. If you are not comfortable with your
relationship prior to marriage believe me it does not get better just because
you have a ring on your finger. Take the time to really establish a strong
foundation of trust, respect and communication before you tie the knot.
Monday, February 4, 2013
I Can’t Stand When Someone Thinks They’re Slick
I have a
few pet peeves but one, in particular, drives me crazy – people who think they
are slick. I attempt to surround myself with people who have no shades of gray
(people who will tell me the truth no matter how it makes me feel) and I
appreciate their direct approach. I may not like what you are saying but I
respect your ability to tell me the truth. What I don’t like is someone who
claims, “I’m real; I keep it 100%,” yet when you get right down to it he/she is
the first person to take the indirect path on handling situations that may
arise, especially, when conflicts arise.
I am a woman first and if I have an issue with
another woman I firmly believe I need to handle my feelings about the situation
with that particular woman (period). Yet, I have found some women claim to be
direct and upstanding are just real “blank!” Even as a teenager, those who know
me know I have never had a problem confronting someone; however, I am the first
to admit I did not handle situations, in my youth, with tack and pose. I was a
hot-head and often irrational and hostile. But I am not a teenager anymore and
I understand everyone deserves a certain amount of respect and I elect to
provide you respect while attempting to resolve tense situations.
In one
instance, I approached a situation with another female and simply asked her
what problem, if any, she had with me. It seemed when we were in the same
places, I would get the snide looks and comments and we had never had a
conversation with one another. Now, I could have been ratchet and came off real
“ghetto” but I don’t have anything to prove to anyone so all that street, hood
behavior was not necessary – I am not 20 years old and I’ve had my grown woman
sway for a minute now, acting other than myself, the woman I am is so beneath
me and I refuse to allow anyone and anything take me there. Now, when the “young
lady” decided to use a third-party to communicate with me a response I was
shocked but not surprised and I learned that the direct approach would not be
the way she would handle this situation. But what made me do a double-take is
the slick stuff - side comments and remarks made afterwards. Taking the “slick”
approach shows a lot about a person’s character and this is someone who cannot
be trusted. When an individual is not willing to deal with you directly, you
should know they are more than likely going to always come at you from the side
and rarely head on – keep your third-eye open and move carefully around this
type of person.
The Mix
You know
the truth about yourself and if you are unable to be direct and upfront it is
okay that is absolutely your prerogative; however, don’t pretend to be someone
you know deep down inside you are not. There is a huge difference between
picking and choosing a battle or attempting to be nickel slick. Nickel slick
people eventually run everyone and everything away from them even those who
truly may care about you. Being nickel slick only raises suspicion on just who
you really are…your integrity becomes questionable and so does your motives
behind your actions!
Until the next time, add this ingredient to the bowl of decisions for
your life and stay In the Mix with Ms. Nix!
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